I have a friend. Let’s call him X.
X is one of two brothers, raised by a doting couple, proud of himself, his lineage, his family; caring, handsome, and above all, fun.
X doesn’t want to get married.
What does this have to do with virginity? X is not a virgin. But he’s shy. His masculine energy presents itself in bursts of anger, erratically, and seldom. (This is standard with Mars retrograde in the natal chart.)
Let’s talk about me now. I was a virgin till I was 18. I cried to my BFF before I decided to have sex with my boyfriend. I was torn to the core about taking that step, I was racked with guilt and the horror of being unsaleable in the marriage market once I took this step.
Keep in mind I’ve been a practicing feminist since I was 11.
Let’s switch to Netflix’s upcoming show – “Sex, Love & Goop.” Though the trailer does not reveal it, the show features the 5 erotic blueprints Miss Jaiya has developed (I’m pretty sure that’s her because I’ve used the erotic blueprint test myself and shared it with friends and clients alike) and shows couples of all stripes exploring themselves and what looks like tantra.
What does this have to do with virginity?
Well, if X has to get married one of three things have to happen –
- he has to demystify sex/have it
- he has to accept that he doesn’t care about sex, and embrace that
- he has to learn “game” late in life, like learning to drive once you’re past your 20s
But why, you ask?
Being sexually active in a controlled setting such as consuming porn or going to strip clubs creates a power dynamic unlike what you are faced with when you are out in the dating world, attempting to get to first base.
Hence the analogy with driving – comes a point, if you ain’t done it yet, you run a high risk of never doing it ever. It’s easier to Uber your way around, and no one can blame you for that choice – it’s scary to learn how to drive at that age.
And we know dating is far scarier than driving.
Is it possible X is simply asexual? Of course that’s possible, but does he know it’s possible to be asexual while being romantic? In other words, being ace and being aromantic do not necessarily go hand in hand.
What if X just has a bad case of mommy issues? Sure, that’s a possibility, but then why is he letting his mother and extended family look for matches for him at all? Why does he consume porn and lust after attractive women?
Whatever his sexuality, X’s problem, in my view is that he has a bad case of the nerves regarding entering the dating pool since the time he felt rejected by his secondary school sweetheart.
Mind you, that was over 20 years ago. This case of the nerves is further exacerbated by lack of sexual experience, and you see how this can keep going in circles till someone interjects.
In conclusion, if you’re like X, learn to drive before you terrify yourself further.
We’re all human, I especially had zero game until after my first heartbreak, and then there was a long period of time when the joke was that I co-founded Tinder cause that’s how much I used to *(&* around.
Everyone crashes when they’re learning to drive. But driving is totally worth it.
Get out there, research the crap out of it, and remember the other person(s) are human too, all of us fart, we all hate first dates, and almost all of us want a fantasy romance, deep down to our core.