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Read stories of people like you, doing the work to go from survivor to thriver.

Therapy In The Times of a Pandemic: A Therapist’s Perspective

This pandemic has not been easy on any of us. Our lives came to a complete stand still. How we worked changed completely and work from home became the new normal. Even as a therapist, it became impossible to see clients in person, and taking sessions on phone or video calls was the only resort left. 

The thing with a psychologist-client relationship is that it relies a lot on their connection, and being present in their physical space sort of helps build that relationship between the two. In terms of building rapport with the client, it has been a lot more difficult to do so in the context of virtual therapy. If that basic foundation isn’t built well in the first place, it is a lot more difficult for both parties involved to be invested in that relationship. Communication with clients, scheduling, rescheduling, all of it is overwhelming when it is all happening at once, and now you have 10 unread emails, with no motivation to reply to any of them. 

Productivity has been a little too difficult for me during these times. Being a freshly post-graduated psychologist, looking for non-existent jobs during a global pandemic, has been extremely daunting. As much as I want to push myself to work, this whole anxiety related to not being good enough because I haven’t found a job yet, often pulls me back. Sounds a lot like toxic productivity, I realize that, and it probably is. I do end up valuing myself only based on my level of productivity. 

Toxic productivity is the unfair expectation that we should be able to stay productive, even reach new milestones, during adverse situations like the Covid-19 pandemic. It’s an idea that expects us to feel guilty if we haven’t worked hard and used our time extra effectively.

You end up putting this pressure on yourself to be in a good mental space at all times, being a mental health professional and all, and even if you aren’t in a good space, you make yourself available to help others. Not sure if this is just me, and I’d like to know if this is a toxic productivity pattern that others suffer from as well. Sometimes, working from home doesn’t feel like work to me, I’m used to being so constantly busy with something or the other, that having time to myself during the day makes me feel like I’m not doing enough. 

One thing that also wavered my confidence was that clients in online therapy tend to slack off really easily, and ghost you a little too often. Not trying to play a blame game here, they might’ve had their reasons, but it was happening a little too often. Frankly, initially I thought there was something wrong with me so to speak, but later I realized that this was the case with most of my colleagues. The situation still sucks but it was good to know that I wasn’t alone in it, I guess? 

At the end of the day, a therapist-client relationship is a two-way street. It goes a long way if one person takes a step forward too. Considering the fact that we’re going to be in this situation of work from home for the months to come, a little more consideration from the client’s side can help the therapist feel better as well. Something as simple as not ghosting your therapist and telling them that you wouldn’t like to continue, or that you would like to reschedule. We’re humans too, after all. 

Another factor that comes in with the whole work from home, stay at home thing is that your outlets for unwinding yourself reduce by a great deal. Had a tough day at work, went and chilled with my friends, and the day seems a lot less stressful. But now, where do you go with all that frustration? Back on the couch, binge-watching reruns of that same old sitcom? 

All in all, online therapy is great in terms of it’s reach and convenience, but I would much rather prefer to have face-to-face sessions with clients, whenever that may be possible. 

 

Effective ways to deal with feeling ineffective:

1) Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling, instead of ignoring your feelings. If it helps, start journaling to keep a track of your thoughts and feelings. 

2) Rest. Take a break. Let yourself just be. We tend to see rest as a reward instead of a necessity. When you take a break, do nothing or invest in downtime you’re not shirking responsibility; you’re taking care of yourself so you’ll have the stamina to be your best when you get back to high-value work.

 

Resources:

https://medium.com/personal-growth/feeling-unproductive-and-overwhelmed-reframe-your-focus-701f43b138f7

https://blogs.kcl.ac.uk/kingscareers/toxic-productivity-vs-healthy-steps-on-your-career-journey/#.X7eXmahX6Nw

 

Image Credits:

The Ultimate Egypt Online Therapy Guide

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Humor and Depression

Depression is a serious mental illness that affects millions of people around the world. It is classified as a mood disorder and may be described as feelings of sadness, loss, or anger that interfere with a person’s everyday activities. People experience depression in different ways and it may interfere with your daily work, resulting in lost time and lower productivity. It can also influence relationships and some chronic health conditions. Depression can be more than a constant state of sadness or feeling “blue.” Depression is more than just that feeling of being low that we experience when things don’t go our way, or when we go through a break-up, or lose a loved one. 

Something we’ve all heard quite often, “laughter is the best medicine”, may not always be true. We often tend to associate humor with happiness and joy. Someone who is humorous and cracks jokes quite often cannot possibly be sad, right? That often seems to be the widely held misconception. Turns out, people with depression do use humor, and they may use it quite often, but the nature of humor that they use seems to differ from their counterparts who do not have depression.

There are four different styles of humor so to speak, affiliative, self-enhancing, aggressive, and self-defeating.

Affiliative humorIndividuals who are high on this dimension engage in witty banter, telling jokes, and say funny things, as a means of facilitating relationships with others and also to reduce interpersonal tensions. They may say funny things about themselves and may not take themselves very seriously; but at the same time, they tend to maintain a sense of self-acceptance. This could very well remind you of that ‘class-clown’ you may have come across at some point in your life. That one person that people are drawn to because of their sense of humor and a jolly and engaging personality. 

Self-enhancing humor Individuals who are high on this dimension tend to have a humorous outlook on life. They maintain such a perspective even when they are faced with stress or adversities. This dimension has been closely linked to the concept of coping humor, where the focus is on the use of humor for the purpose of emotion regulation or as a coping mechanism

Aggressive humor This style of humor involves sarcasm, ridicule, teasing, and putting down. It also involves the use of humor to manipulate others through implying the threat of ridicule. It relates to expressing humor in ways that disregards its potential impact on others. This also includes the humor used in order to bully or shame someone.

Self-defeating humor – This dimension involves doing or saying funny things at one’s own expense, which is usually done for the purpose of winning over other people or to get their approval. Individuals high on this dimension often allow themselves to be the topic of others’ humor; they also tend to laugh along during this process. It has been hypothesized that people engage in this type of humor in order to avoid their underlying negative feelings or to avoid dealing with their problems in a constructive manner.

As you can see from the descriptions of these 4 styles of humor, two of these are adaptive (affiliative and self-enhancing), and two are maladaptive (aggressive and self-defeating). It may not come as a surprise when you read that people with depression have more of a tendency to use the maladaptive styles of humor more often than people without depression. Contrarily, people without depression often use the adaptive styles of humor to a greater extent than do people without depression. Scoring high on the two adaptive humor styles has been linked with various positive health outcomes, such as being happier and having healthier relationships. On the other hand, having high scores on the maladaptive humor styles can have a negative effect on one’s health.

This pattern of humor usage, and the differences between its use when comparing people with and without depression, may not be seen in all cases. This pattern can be heavily influenced by culture. For example, in a collectivistic society, such as in India, the use of maladaptive humor is less in general since the community is given more importance over the individual. In comparison, the use of maladaptive humor is seen more in individualistic societies where the individual is generally given more importance. 

The causes for this difference in the use of humor, in cases where it is seen, however, are still unclear. Sigmund Freud theorized that comedians often tell jokes as a kind of relief system from some kind of anxiety. His theory seems to be in line with what has been described as the ‘sad clown paradox’, that sees a link between comedy, and mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. This paradox states that comedic performers are characterized by feelings of deprivation and isolation in their early lives, where comedy evolves as a release for tension, removing feelings of suppressed physical rage through a verbal outlet. Laughter has been shown to decrease the secretion of the stress hormone, serum cortisol.

It has also been theorized that humor can leave people with a feeling of control over a situation in which they would otherwise be powerless. Although, this difference in the use of humor may very well be connected to a lack of self-esteem that seems to accompany depression. A lack of self-esteem may push these people to use a lot more self-defeating humor, which involves a lot of deprecating or insulting of the self. Other possible explanations that have also been suspected are that people suffering from depression choose to use more negative styles of humor and not try to improve their situation by using a more positive humor style, which in turn maintains their condition; Or perhaps using a negative humor style is influencing depression. The third and likely possibility is that certain factors (both genetic and environmental) affect depression and the use of maladaptive styles of humor, but more research is needed on this topic.

 

How does this information help you?

Signs of depression may not always be obvious. People suffering from depression may often internalize it, and show very few and subtle signs of it externally. Thus, you can start paying attention to the kind of humor that you and the people around you have been using. Doing so may be an indicator toward recognizing signs of depression and then further seeking professional mental health services if required.

 

How can this information help the process of therapy?

The goal of therapy is to make clients independent and provide them with tools to help them cope well in their daily life, even after the termination of therapy. People in therapy can be equipped to use more adaptive styles of humor during the process of therapy, which can be a useful tool for coping that can be used in daily life outside of therapy. If used with caution, humor can be a powerful tool in enhancing relationships, including a therapeutic one. 

(Image credits: https://bleedingcool.com/tv/the-boys-season-2-episode-4-teaser-homelander-sure-is-one-angry-supe/)

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Till you address my self-worth, self-care tools are meaningless

You know the adage, “if you tell a depressed person to go for a run, you should be shot”? You don’t? Not yet, cause it’s mine.

Alcoholics have a disease, folks with diabetes have a disease, and so do codependent people with personality disorders. Except that with the depressive ones among us, the disease is born of a fathoms deep sense of being shit. Being too much.
Too pessimistic, too sad, too sensitive, too needy, too controlling – we’re carrying around a bag so heavy with the ways in which we’re messed up that it’s genuinely unimaginable to us what y’all folks are doing planning haircuts and dalgona coffee during the lockdown.

We’ve been carrying around a fundamental sense of badness for so long that when we’re down and you give us some super obvious self-care task to do, we’re hard on ourselves for not being able to do it.

I’m a therapist and peer-support advocate and my beloved kitten Kumi’s death on 8th May sent me into bed and old depressive spirals about offing myself and giving it all up to turn into a nun. Again. I mean enough already, I’m a therapist and peer-support advocate FFS. It’s been seven years of this, why do I keep coming back to killing myself, what the hell is going on?

Let me tell you, trying to use CBT tools when you’re depressed and feeling unworthy, probably depressed because your unworthiness is triggered, is like sticking your neck out for repeated chapeds across the face. It’s not that these CBT tools and manifestation tools and the rest of what positive psychology~new age tools has to offer is worthless. Far from it.

It’s that until you help me resolve my fundamental sense of badness, unworthiness, too-muchness, I won’t want to use any of it. I won’t want to feel better, I won’t internalize any of the feel good mantras you’re giving me and I definitely will not be able to feel gratitude for all the good things in my life, because I have my head so far up my ass I can’t even properly see them yet.

Please know that I’ve been intellectually aware of my sense of unworthiness from the first time I was depressed – it was actually a healer by name of Minal Arora that pointed it out to me. This was sometime in 2014. It’s been at least six years since then, and only because I lost a cat in circumstances that were totally outside my control could I finally face the fact that I have been blaming myself for every thing that went wrong in my life because the people around me could not see me for who I am till it was too late. I have internalized planet-sized shame around being sensitive, and different and it has made me feel like I need to protect people around me from me.

Which if you’ve met me you know is frankly ridiculous. 🙂

So having emerged from this final bloody round (I swear to god Aqseer) of suicidal ideation, revisiting the first principles and asking about the meaning of life, here’s what I gotta say to myself, and to you.

Couple things happened to you that were not in your control.

You survived those things, you survived the drive when you weren’t at the steering wheel. Now it’s time to grab that wheel with both hands, and choose the road you wanna go down.

Because you see yourself, and love yourself, and know your worth, you will choose in every moment to be in your body, to practice gratitude, and give yourself what you need.

Everything is figureoutable, and now, you wanna figure it out. For you. Go you.

For those of you that are struggling with your sense of worth, write to me for an appointment at sodhiaqseer@gmail.com, we’ll get you there.

– Aqseer

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Pavitra in her element

Food supplements for depression and anxiety

In my own recovery from depression and anxiety, I have largely relied on good old Lithium and dedicating myself to my work and spiritual practice. This is not to say that that is the route to recovery for us all. Far from it.

There are people that just won’t take psychiatric medication because they don’t like the feeling of dependency. There are people for whom it doesn’t work. There are people who want to transition from it to natural substitutes. And there are people who believe in treating an illness like depression or anxiety in a holistic, mind-body-soul way.

Whichever description fits you, I’m excited to share with you some learnings from a conversation with friend and self taught food-therapist, Pavitra Nanthan.

Let’s cut to the chase here, is food therapy real?

In a word, yes. There is considerable research to establish the connection between the gut and the brain. Think about when you’re about to get on stage to deliver a speech, the performance anxiety you’re facing makes your stomach queasy.

So you could take an anti-anxiety medication that would calm your mind down. Could you also drink a calming tea that could soothe your tummy, and would that relax your mind? The science says yes.

But can food supplements be a substitute for psychiatric medication?

For a person willing to make their body their temple and adjust their lifestyle to the feedback their body is giving them, changing what they eat is absolutely essential to recovery from chronic illness, depression, anxiety and feeling revitalized.

Having said that, it’s not enough to go on an intense detox for 1.5 months and then ride that “borrowed immunity” in an urban setup – your body will slide again and attempting to recover from a serious illness in that environment without pharmaceutical medication will be slow, and tough.

So, for folks on a maintenance dose, i.e. for people that have stabilized on their psychiatric medication, or for people dealing with low grade depression and anxiety, food supplements and mindful eating can go a long way in helping you maintain your progress or manage your illness. But given the extent of enmeshment with stressed out urban life, we cannot say with confidence that it works as a full substitute for psychiatric medication.

What do we mean by listening to the body and making lifestyle changes accordingly?

Well, my friend here had done enough introspection to know that she felt less depressed when she was in nature, and ideally working with the soil, being physically active. Ayurveda felt too structured, pharmaceutical medication was clearly a band-aid solution, neither of them seemed to be treating the cause. So she went on a journey to Sehatvan, an action research space for forest therapy, purely to heal her body.

That was a life-changing experience where she discovered “what the body is capable of doing when you do nothing to it.” Autophagy or self-devouring is a natural response of the body to fasting (such as a 6 day water fast) where deprived of external nutrients, the body begins to feed on toxins built up inside.

She says it’s after this fast that she first felt free of depression in years.

Context in place, let’s talk about nutmeg, cinnamon and turmeric/curcumin.

  1. Ever heard of poshto? The legendary Bengali dish guarantees a heavy head and good sleep due to the properties of poppy seeds, a natural drug used in ancient India to help people rest and recover. I’m told nutmeg has the same properties and when consumed in tea, increases dopamine levels in the body and gives us a mood boost. Imbalanced flora in the gut is implicated in depression and nutmeg soothes that wonderfully, she says.
  2. Cinnamon tea has an especially calming effect on Pavitra – at the same time she cautions that every body is different and the key here is to cultivate enough self-awareness to know what our body needs when.
  3. Turmeric or haldi is a favourite in Indian kitchens, and I’ll always chuckle at Kanan Gill’s bit on how we collectively attribute mysterious, yet total healing powers to it. Pavitra tells me that it does in fact have anti-inflammatory properties, keeping the gut alkaline, which is a good offset for all the acidic processed food we tend to consume, especially during social isolation. Please note that turmeric needs a carrier to be digested – so if you’re off milk, try mixing it with jaggery, or boil water and drink it with some pepper; otherwise you can just mix it in some ghee.

In closing, I am far from an expert on food therapy, but this conversation has shown me that there’s lots to learn here about healthy, sustainable ways to feel better, to feel good.

– Aqseer

If you’d like to book an appointment with me, please write to me at sodhiaqseer@gmail.com, or learn more here.

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Wake-up Corona

For a long while, I have struggled with balancing 5d (spiritual) and 3d (material) realities. For instance, if we individually choose our soul families, what does that mean for how we collectively respond to child sexual abuse?

That some of us choose a particular set of experiences for our soul’s growth cannot mean giving up on collective responsibility for that experience in this world, maya or samsara as it may be.

In other words, if our material world will never be the same after this pandemic, what are we going to do about it?

Before we get to that, here’s two major don’ts.

Do not succumb to the temptation of other-ing.

On one level, the virus is being traced to Chinese wet farms. Before we point fingers at “them”, we have to question why wildlife farming began in the first place. We may then find that we have a collective responsibility for the poverty that drove this practice in the beginning, AND for the greed that kept it going. If the universe is a fractal hologram, endlessly reflecting itself, we have an opportunity here to heal the parts of us that want to blame the other so we get past “us and them” and get to ‘we’ in fighting this together.

Do not see this pandemic as an isolated three-six months of our lives.

In our lifetimes, we have not seen a public health issue of this magnitude. The last such experience was in 1918 with the great plague. I’m concerned for pot-banging denial that goes looking for sparkly masks and fails to understand that the present moment is screaming at us to change our lifestyles significantly in preparation of what is to come.

Here’s what to do, based on your personality adaptations.

1. If you’ve seen this coming and were tending to schizoid anyway, here’s your chance to find your purpose, your route to connect with others meaningfully.  Its time to use your expertise, and ability to chill by yourself and show us the way out.

2. If you’re codependent (borderline adaptation), this is a great opportunity to get on your two feet, emotionally. Learn to ask for what you need, don’t expect people to read your mind, don’t overextend or chase people that give you just enough to keep you hooked. This is a great time for dating, counter-intuitively. People looking for an easy lay are hopefully going to look elsewhere as long as this self-isolation lasts.

3. If you’re narcissistic and know it, deep dive into your artistic/creative/showboating side, turn it into a side-hustle, get your need for admiration met in a healthy, constructive way.

If you’re planning a major life-change already, let me know in the comments.

To book an online therapy session with me, email me at sodhiaqseer@gmail.com, to learn more about online therapy go here.

– Aqseer

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Photo by Mir Shaani, for The Bicyclist

Becoming Wo-man

I always walked weird in school. All the way up until two months ago. Having an abortion helped me come into my own body as a woman, helped me appreciate my tits and pussy. And I began to sway a bit, lean into the full width of my hips.

But it’s only now, at 29 that I actually want to walk that way.

Dude looks like a lady. 

I mean what do you want to know and why? Why it happened? What happened? How I survived? How I and a few volunteers painstakingly built a brand over 5 years with 1,50,000 rupees by way of funding, with a lead therapist that only has an MA from a cult-y psych school after switching tracks from law, and struggles with alcohol use and codependency?

I’ll tell you what. Goddamn faith. That’s it. It doesn’t have to be in God. But you gotta believe in something. All of this pain boils down to a crisis of meaning. Here’s a shocker. There is no inherent meaning in life. You have to find it for yourself. You have to craft it together, break it down then build it up, copy, steal, whatever.

You need to believe. That you’re here for something. That there’s something only you can say. So that this endless churn at least has some purpose. A broad goal. While you learn to “be.”

I was born a girl child to service kids, my mother, a writer and lifelong learner, my dad, a fighter pilot in the IAF and eternal joker. I was a social introvert, kinda hanging in my room reading all the time but also loving Air Force parties and bouncing, our spin on after parties. I loved the space, I loved the sky, I loved digging holes in the ground with my reluctant yet transfixed sister in tow.

In class 6 I moved to big bad Delhi with scary skirt lengths and dangerously invisible socks. My turn to be transfixed. I adjusted slowly, understanding in time how much I cared about popularity versus individuality, how little attention from boys I could live with, how much of an agony aunt I wanted to remain.

No one sees us, the echoists, and yet y’all would die without us to perform for. More on that later. Y’all are the narcissists by the way. You could potentially bracket us as the borderlines. I’d rather see this whole thing as an internal imbalance of the masculine (narc) and feminine (borderline) energies that tussles with the “external” imbalance of human (masc, mind) and nature (fem, body).

So what happened? It feels like a lifetime ago and I’ve had the great fortune to process it repeatedly during my Masters and recovery. So to me the nuts and bolts of it are besides the point.

I went to the best law school in the country, indulged in an abusive relationship for 5 years, broke up, lived my slut life, didn’t process the break up or development sector disillusionment, smoked pot every day, fell in limerence with an emotionally unavailable dude and crash landed into a 8 week in-bed depression.

That was the first time. I knew enough to know that the depression was actually an existential crisis, perhaps even a crisis of the self. Who am I? What am I here for? What is the meaning of karma, why should I believe in it? What about M theory? How does that fit in? Why haven’t quantum physicists cracked this yet if they’re so goddamn smart?

All of this took to my MA through about 1.5 years of pure recovery and exploration.

When it started I was badly hung up on limerence-dude, had stopped enjoying working for a pakoda-worshipping NGO, however wide the exposure, and was basically numb and sluggish on ganja. I’m lucky I didn’t experience ganja psychosis, hallucinations on top of all that suicidal ideation would have made me jump.

[Trigger warning]

If you want to kill yourself by the way, please find a painless way to do it. There aren’t really any. There, saved you some research.

Look I’m not being flippant, and there are serious situations in which I think suicidal is absolutely rational (take me to court bitches), but most of the time I think it’s extreme despair + your brain stopped being your friend months ago.

And that kind of despair comes from not being ourselves. I was not myself. I was Aqseer Sodhi she of the grades, drive, focus, and agony aunt skills. I had a tough time picking a dish off of a Big Chill menu. I had no sense of style that I could call my own. I had never kissed a boy.

School girl Aqseer saw life as a series of milestones to achieve. And was climbing that ladder, reading a lot and petting dogs along the way. School girl Aqseer, hell, college girl Aqseer didn’t have a thing for cats. Adult Aqseer is a mama with two.

So what I do to recover and how can you?

Firstly, take your time. If your body-mind has revolted and you’re seriously ill right now, take the OPPORTUNITY to break down. You will only get to who you are if you break down your false self completely. Or let it.

Secondly, pay attention to your unconscious mind. What are you dreaming? What are you day-dreaming about? What patterns repeat in your life over and over, unbidden yet comfortably numb? What calls you, almost indiscernible, but in the Insta stories you’re drawn to, the heroes you can’t stop raving about?

That’s your gut (fem, body). Follow it. It’s the only thing that will get you out of your hijacked, screaming mind alive. Tell you what. Believe in your gut. Fuck god. Find your gut and believe it. That’s your god anyway, that’s your lost femininity, your disavowed femininity, your sunken compass. Find it and follow it.

Get to some place quiet. I had to run to Vipassana. I just had to. One of the best decisions of my life. Absolute gamechanger. I had quiet to think. To feel the insides of my mind. I had my first recallable dream in 20+ years, after having a vision of following a monk up the hill to a monastery, and a weird experience of dream paralysis that essentially shut off communication between my unconscious and conscious mind for that long.

[Trigger warning]

I may have been raped. That would explain a lot. The transformation from geeky kid to slutty goddess, my rejection of my weak femininity that let me be violated in this way, the overcompensation, the rage that never goes and may never leave.

Get yourself a psychiatrist. Take a friend or family member, wait in line, show up. Eat your meds. I went off twice. Trust me, don’t. Yea it’s a placebo, whatever it is, it’s a tool to check in with yourself and give yourself things to do at designated times of the day. Let go of some control. Eventually you’ll realize that you have none, there is none to be had.

Eat your meds and don’t go off. Titrate, get your blood tests, meet your idiot shrink that never told you to expect those side effects.

Go to workshops. Try them all. I tried theta healing, arts therapy workshops, masculinity femininity workshops, there are a lot more now.

Go on a trip. Solo trip. Be in nature. Put your phone on flight for a week and witness the world carrying on without you. Yea, it really does go on without you. Take comfort in your smallness. Your irrelevance.

Use a process of elimination to slowly chisel away to the core of your being. Use the opportunity of your death bed to rule out a career flipping burgers in Texas, or being a Yoga teacher in the Maldives or whatever empty dreams occupy your purposeless mind.

Slowly, you will find your purpose. And it’s really about your voice. What are you hear to say? What’s your Greta Thunberg potential? You have it, or you wouldn’t be here. You would be dead already. Something is not letting you hurt yourself that bad, and you are a detective with an unfinished assignment.

Along the way, give up on figuring it out. Read Rumi. Wonder at the meaning of be-ing. What could it possibly mean?

Still on your meds?

Okay great. Now let’s start figuring out what you like in bed. Really there are two reasons to live – sex and food. Bacchus told you so, you never listened. I am a Saturn ruled ambitious as hell entrepreneur workaholic and I will tell you that no achievement means anything unless you got people to share it with.

It’s kinda nice for that person to be someone you also get to bump uglies with and cook for or be fed by.

And that’s it yo. Let me know how it goes. Write about it!

Aqseer

Book an appointment with me at sodhiaqseer@gmail.com. More on psychotherapy with me here.

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My piece on recovering from depression for the 1st time

And so I decided to focus on the PROCESS that I loved engaging in for its own sake. I started paying close attention to what I genuinely enjoyed doing. And that slow process of self discovery has lead me to — dance, vocal lessons, photography and healing practices. 

If you’re not happy, do something about it. Create your reality, don’t wait for life to happen to you. Read all of the below. And get in touch if you want to talk. 

Originally published on Thought Catalog, May 2, 2014 here.

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#curated – how to stop being a narc magnet

“Narcissists are attracted to the following quality’s:

Poor or non existent boundaries

Co-Dependents

Empaths

Givers

People pleasers and/or people who have a tendency to give other’s the benefit of the doubt

Strong, independent types

Those with high power careers/money

Anyone who will reflect well on them in the eye’s of others

Did the last 3 surprise you?

There’s a misconception that something has to be “wrong” with you to attract a narcissist.

What are “good” and “bad” quality’s is a matter of perception.”


More at https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-break-the-pattern-of-attracting-narcissists/answer/Jackie-Salac-1?ch=10&share=f2cffa3b&srid=Criy6

Book an appointment with me at sodhiaqseer@gmail.com. More on psychotherapy with me here.

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aaina therapy presence satori

Divine Union

The last five days I have seen angel numbers everywhere. Example – 1111, 2222, 4444, 8888, 9999 and a whopping 7 7777; all on license plates. That’s how Archangel Raphael talks to us healers, in numbers and through his colour, incidentally my lifelong favourite, bottle green.

So I kept asking myself, fresh from vacation in Malpe, feeling solitudanal and pragmatic about my prospects in love, what were the angels trying to tell me?

I have been preoccupied with the idea of union, that is the perfect balance of masculine and feminine energies, or transcending duality in a dual world, for years now.

2015, Elephant Journal would not stop talking about twin flames and the initiation number on the spiritual path – 11:11. MAKE A WISH they said, CALL IN YOUR TWIN, they said.

At the time I was depressed for the second time, recouping at home in Gandhinagar. One day pa and I were sitting out on the swing and I saw 11:11 on his digital watch.

This is it, I thought. This is the sign I asked for, that it’s okay to go back to Delhi and finish my damn masters. So I trudged back, to a small hostel room in a highly regulated Air Force hostel.

What followed is a long journey of coming into union with myself that involved an abusive relationship, a helluva lot of substance use, a truly awful period of recovery from codependency, and the beginnings of a relationship with my true desire.

A week before this long awaited vacation, I got an Enso symbol tattooed on my chest. I felt whole. Complete. In union with myself, able to let my wrist fall if it wanted, and punch if it needed.

Five days ago I started seeing angel numbers again after months, and today I believe I am in union with my twin.
BUTT – it’s not a concept I found useful to get hung up on. Soulmate, twin, karmic, karmic twin whatever. Love is love.

I am still learning to stop identifying with the struggles from my past, chiefly with attachment anxiety and codependency. But he tells me to shut up and let him do things his way

And because I trust in the divine, I will trust us with this, and whatever happens, will, and we’ll be fine, me, myself and I.

Aqseer (Iqra) Sodhi
Book an appointment with me at sodhiaqseer@gmail.com. More on psychotherapy with me here.

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My opinion on suicide prevention in the Times of India

However, Aqseer Sodhi, a psychotherapist who provides counselling through her organization Aaina, opined that these institutional centres did not fully serve the youngsters.

Read more here.

Book an appointment with me at sodhiaqseer@gmail.com. More on psychotherapy with me here.

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