Avoidant Attachment Therapy
When someone loves you with all your flaws, do you feel smothered, like their love will make it difficult for you to breathe? You could have an avoidant attachment style that makes you feel either that you don’t need love like the rest of us or that you want it, but it comes at the cost of your freedom or makes you feel vaguely sick.
How does an avoidant attachment style develop?
Our attachment styles developed in our early years in response to our environment and specifically to help us deal with how we felt for our primary caregiver (usually the mother). An avoidant attachment style responds to an unconscious message that we are not wanted. Since the world is composed of our primary caregivers at that age, and we know they are necessary for our survival, it is terrifying not to feel cherished by them.
Rather than let the neglect paralyse us, we mould ourselves not to need attention, love and nurturing to the extent that we avoid meaningful intimacy altogether or seek it but always mistrust it. This keeps us stuck in unfulfilling behaviour patterns where we self-sabotage the moment real closeness starts looking like a reality.
How I can help?
In therapy, we will work together to bring your attachment style into awareness and map it against your early childhood. We will help you process your feelings towards your caregivers and learn what your triggers are for your flight response in intimate relationships of all kinds.
You will learn to self-soothe at the time this desire to run away or attack the other kicks in; and finally, to use your words instead of acting out so you can sustain healthy relationships.
Types of attachment styles
How can we help?
Set up a 45 minute-session with me